There are some people out there who are meant to have children. To take of them, raise them and generally know what to do with them. I am NOT one of these people.
While there are a lot of things that make me uncomfortable—heights, the dark, and public speaking to name a few—there is nothing more uncomfortable then taking care of a living human being belonging to someone else, who carried them for nine months.
To me, taking care of a baby is a lot like walking through an expensive store. Though I love to browse, ‘ohhhing’ and ‘aahhhhing’ as I go, when it comes to trusting myself around fragile things, it is usually much better to admire from afar rather then picking up, or even touching anything.

Growing up as a girl, we are often exposed to the child caring tendencies—and may not even know it—playing ‘house’ and owning dolls. But while other girls were baby sitting by the time they were 15, my only experience with babies was that of caring for my “Baby-so-real” doll—which was made to look and feel like a real baby. While I loved this toy, the doll was certainly not treated like a real baby.
I have a few baby cousins, and have been very guilty of “awwwing” in public when I see a freshly born baby all bundled up. But when it comes to hands on experience, I was certainly not experienced. So you can understand my anxiety when invited to help care for my friend’s eight-month old niece.

Rebecca was for sure the best candidate for me to interact with – full of expressions, noises and bouncy baby movements. While she is not old enough yet to talk, her curious and mischievous made for never a dull moment while watching her observe the world around her.

My first duty was to sit with her on her play blanket and simply keep her entertained. This was an easy task, but when Rebecca would get bored with whatever toy she was interested in, her expressions would go from playful to unimpressed. This made me feel like I was being put on the spot during a debate, and I would quickly try to amuse her again for fear of her breaking into tears. It was like trying to impress an authority figure – little did I know, that in this situation, the “authority figure” was me. The fact that I could not gage what the baby was thinking, or what would happen next, filled me up with nervousness like a balloon. However, I do admit, it was kind of fun too.

Holding a baby to me was the duty I feared the most. The idea that you are holding a tiny being, only eight months old, just made me feel very nervous – I was about to have someone’s whole world in my hands. So you can then understand my shock when my friend Heather candidly said “Here, take the baby” and simply passed me the squirming eight-month old. I froze – holding the surprisingly compliant baby in front of me as if I was just handed a two million dollar piece of silver wear. I was inwardly panicing, but soon realized there wasn’t much to it. Seeing others hold babies so naturally, made me feel as if I was lacking some sort of motherly coordination. But Rebecca just looked at me, like anyone else in her life who would hold her all the time – no judgments, no pressure, just pure trust.

After the ice breaking experience of holding her, I soon realized that I wasn’t as nervous as I thought I was going to be. What made me more uncomfortable was watching an experienced Aunt Heather interact with Rebecca. I couldn’t help but bite my lower lip, and hold in grunts of anxiety when she would pick her up and move her around in fluid motions, which contrasted intensely with my overly cautious manner. An example of this would be when Heather would toss Rebecca in the air and swiftly catch her while making googly baby noises making the baby chuckle with delight. Or when she would lay Rebecca on her lap, holding her tight and positioning her so she was practically upside down—another thing the baby seemed to love. I just kept thinking to myself “And I had trouble just holding her...”

In the end I learned a lot about my uncomfortable tendencies around babies, as well as how uncomfortable I get when I observe others interact with them. While the experience did not cure my bizarre fear of caring for a child, it act as an ice breaker to help ease into similar situations that might happen later in life. As for babies, I will always love watching them observe the world in a way that makes you feel like an innocent kid again – with no negativity, just pure curiosity.